Birdie Beers

There is this thing that some fans, friends, and family do while spectating that I really got into during my drinking days… Birdie beers! Or, heck, whatever alcoholic beverage you fancy, because your guy made a birdie (or maybe even an EAGLE!) I obviously loved this little tradition! It gave me a perfect excuse to drink. I even adopted bogey beers when things weren’t quite going Billy’s way.  So, being out here at Bellerive this week, brings back all sorts of memories. I love the game of golf, I enjoy watching my husband compete, but I also loved alcohol, it was once my best friend. It “helped” me walk with confidence, carry on conversations, and made it possible for me to just deal with ME. Now, being over 2 years sober now, the social anxiety I used to have is almost non-existent and the cravings are gone, but I still have my memories, I still get triggered. Being at places where alcohol surrounds me does test all my senses. I can smell the alcohol in the air, see the endless amounts of  booze carts… tents… stands…, hear the boisterous, alcohol-enhanced laughs, and almost taste that first sip. There is a lot that goes on in our alcoholic brains! And that’s totally ok. I have learned to take a breath, identify what the heck is going on, acknowledge it, then use whatever tool I need to feel back at peace, back at zero on my “WTF meter.” When I freak out in my mind, I end of having a conversation with myself that goes along the lines of,

— “oh there is some type alcohol, can’t have that, don’t want that, totally okay with that. I don’t NEED that, woo hoo! Go me! Seriously, I don’t want it…but, then some nostalgic, fun drinking memory creeps in…I panic, look around- thinking.. do they know?! Do they know what I am thinking, that I just thought something positive about alcohol?! I’m OK, I’m OK, I’m OK. Then, I usually laugh at myself and realize I AM IN CONTROL. No alcohol is going to be ingested without me physically pouring it into my mouth myself.” —

I am filled with peace again, the voices in my head are at bay knowing that I am the one in control, that alcohol doesn’t control me anymore. So, as you are out there taking on the world soberly, know that I am battling those demons in my head too.  As you see me bopping around the golf course- smiling, giggling, drinking my bottled water and diet-coke,  looking all care-free, its not a lie, but it’s work. So keep grinding, keep getting stronger, ONE DAY AT A TIME.

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First off, yes, I AM an alcoholic, sober since May 21, 2016. I am a mother of two daughters; Skylar Lillian: born September 16, 2014 and Colbie Rae: born April 12, 2017. I am married to Billy Horschel, a wonderful husband and father who also happens to play golf on an insanely good level. Years ago, I got lost in the fog of addiction and depression. Finding sobriety, this enlightening way of life, has made me happier than I ever thought I could be. I had so many wine and vodka filled nights, watching TV shows, wishing I was like some random character on TV, wishing I could be brave, funny, artistic, poised, HAPPY, etc. And now, I'm doing it! I'm living honestly and freely and I want to share it all. I'm not perfect, I'm not an expert, all I know are my experiences and my learned knowledge. I am so excited to share my journey with you.

11 thoughts on “Birdie Beers

  1. Golf clap. Golf clap. Well said. Amazingly said. Recovery doesn’t mean we never have thoughts or struggle. Recovery gives us something even better…an amazing awareness to dig a little deeper into ourselves. It’s such a gift. Love you sweet friend!

  2. Thank you for sharing. This is “real” t many of us that struggle. You are an inspiration and I enjoy hearing about your journey.

  3. I love your raw honesty! You are helping others by being so Open!
    Thanks ! My husband has been sober over 8 years and he’s real open. He says it keeps him sober by sharing his story with others. I share my alanon story often too and it helps me focus on me and what I need to work on daily! Thanks again!

  4. YOU are an amazing writer who writes from her heart-mind-soul with exquisite LOVING STYLE! I love reading your much needed contributions to our world! Have FUN making this incredible impact which you are obviously and intentionally creating for the betterment of all of us. Blessings –Caitlin Marie

  5. Thank you 🌸. I enjoy sharing my story too. It breaks the stereotype. We are Moms, wives, professionals that look all put together but have this “secret”. We are courageous to admit we are powerless to booze. Enjoy the journey ☀️

  6. Thank you for sharing and your honesty is refreshing. I do believe many women (and men) can relate to what you are saying. What can start out as just a little fun, can turn into an addiction. Keep this great blog going. Best of luck to you and your hubby.

  7. I love you and I love your honesty. “One day at a time” is the way we should all tackle life. Keep crushing it day after day girl 👍🏻

  8. Good Luck! I will continue to follow your journey and route for Billy. Raw honesty is very powerful.
    Thank you 🙏

  9. I got sober when my kids were in high school 30 years ago. My big regret was it took me so long. You are doing a wonderful thing for your children. Life is good, you are an inspiration to all women.

  10. Thank you so much for this post. I could literally feel and live everything up until you say “and almost taste that first sip”. My mind still tricks me into remembering only the good drinking days. But it gets better every day. Thank you for sharing your experience, strength and hope. One day at a time!

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